Posted by: Andy | August 11, 2009

Jeremy Piven Pimps “the Goods” so Hard I think Viagra is Involved

Jeremy Pivens smarm is addictive.

I’ve been a  J-Piv junkie since he appeared in a brief stint on the “the Larry Sanders Show” I’ve loyally followed his career as he’s parlayed his laid back, sarcastic demeanor into the Emmy Award winning run on “Entourage”. There is no known cure for the Piven charisma hook. If you’re down with the  slacker-esque, unshaven, vest sporting, non-leading man quality type then he’ll always be  your go to man.

Piven and Jesse on Big Brother - I hear the camera adds 10lbs of defeat.

Piven and Jesse on Big Brother - I hear the camera adds 10lbs of defeat.

Think Clooney (charm) and Ashton Kutcher (smarm) mixed together with a spot of John Cusack (chops)

While he’s made it big on HBO and the small screen, the golden ticket to the Box Office has to this point been very elusive. I’m in the opinion that Jeremy Piven will never open a film. That, being firmly placed on his own shoulders alone,  a film featuring him as the main marquee draw will unfortunately never rip the opening weekend tallies a new one.

Part of me wants everything  for the little engine that should. But an industry built on looks, only allows a few unexplained phenomenons every so often when it comes to an odd looking, non cookie cutter handsome  bankable leading man. (I’m talking to you Nicolas Cage.. WTF?) I would love it if Paul Giamatti or Phillip Seymour Hoffman could bring it as leading man with box office potential, but the other part of me is selfish and satisfied knowing as long as that good looking glass window is still air tight, the realm of reasonably paid character actors who are more than pleased in picking script over money will go on and continue to reward substance over flash.

That’s where Piven should exist and be happy. His second fiddle turns in Smokin’ Aces, Serendipity, Rock N Rolla and Old School resulted in scene stealing turns. There’s no shame in being a Robin, Tonto , Watson or Tonic.

I’ve respected him up until this point of  his career as he’s seemed to pull off a successful one without outright pandering and peddling to the public. Sure all stars have to commit to some type of press junket  when it comes to supporting an upcoming film. Whether that be gritting your teeth through 10 minutes of mind numbing Jimmy Fallon or sitting down with Al Roker on NBC’s  the Today Show and wondering why you’re being grilled by the weather guy. It’s part of Hollywood. It’s part of the machine. Hawking your film  is a rite of passage in any movies lifespan.

Piven and/or his agents (which if his agent(s) would truly define ironic)has been testing me lately.

The ads for his new film “the Goods – Live Hard, Sell Hard” come off as genuinely funny. A comedy about a travelling band of car clear-out artists who go lot to lot – liquidating automobiles with lesser than ethical techniques.(Yes for those of you who have followed my short film project “the Lot” you will notice similarities – we’re not suing.. yet)  With Piven in the starring role, it appears it may be his last chance to open a film. However the latest wave of publicity stunts have come off as grasping for straws.. OK,  ticket buyers on the small screen leading up to its premiere. He was just on Conan the other night working the crowd into a frenzy with his staple depreciating, aloof shtick. It really want to give this film a shot in hopes that Piven can reach those brass rings.

But how much selling is too much? When does it cross the line from enthusiasm for a project to desperation? Perhaps for Piven the line is so fine he doesn’t even see it. When does attempting to placate the masses with your cinematic offering start to alienate your key fans.

Piven has been selling “the Goods” over the last two weeks to any demographic he can sell a ticket to and he has to.  Let’s be clear – this movie isn’t going to be another “Hangover” which is well over the 200 million dollar mark at the box office. (the planets only align every few years for an R rated comedy smash)  It will be lucky if it clears 50 million. Reasons? Well it’s distributed by Paramount Vantage, the smaller indie wing of the Paramount banner. This equates to less screens for the film. Paramount has just opened up G.I. Joe on over 4000 screens and still has Transformers 2 placed in additional theatres across North America. How much room is there for Pivens small budget car selling comedy?

Piven hasn’t opened a movie as the main star since 1994’s PCU. An Animal House, Revenge of the Nerds hybrid that plenty of critics lovingly renamed P.U. It grossed a paltry 5 million dollars in it’s run.

I want it all for Piven. I want him to succeed. But part of me died seeing him pimp it out with wrestlers and hostile, confused fans(so not his demo) when he guested hosted WWE’s Monday night RAW last week like a two bit street whore . Then this past Sunday night he saunters into the Big Brother House on CBS to meander and mingle with the confounded contestants pitching ‘the Goods” along the way. (CBS and Paramount are corporate siblings so synergy took affect)

Piven the Puppet is not the Piven I want to know.

Piven and Dr. Ken pimp "the Goods" and annoy the fans on WWE RAW avec John Cena.

Piven and Dr. Ken pimp "the Goods" and annoy the fans on WWE RAW avec John Cena.

If “the Goods” fails to perform, nobody can blame Jeremy Piven. He’s done everything but come to your house, pick you up in a taxi and drive you to the damn theatre. Deep down part of me wants it to so that he’ll never have to blatantly over sell his soul to the Hollywood machine again in what can be described as a TMZ wet dream. If he does please keep him away from Americas Got Talent, Dancing with the Stars or Antiques Roadshow.

Remember J-Piv, there’s no shame and more awards from appearing on HBO and if you wait long enough they’ll reward you with Entourage: the Movie.

All good things my friend, all good things…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F87PcAYHBU0
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Responses

  1. Great piece.

  2. nice ressource. give us more


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