Posted by: Andy | October 18, 2010

Leave it to Bieber: Laser Tag Beatdown in B.C.?


Just Bieb It.


So in case you forgot to DVR TMZ  or finally put a restraining order on Perez Hilton, you may have missed the gripping breaking news about how an enraged Justin Bieber pit-bullied a fellow gamer he was Tron moshing with at a Vancouver Laser Tag compound.

As the story developed / fabricated / snowballed over the weekend it came to light that the 12 year old the Bieb apparently “pushed” had stalked Justin through the game area with unrelenting aggression. So essentially like Paparazzi but with a plastic laser gun ,a dumb looking chest plate and maybe even a goofy helmet.

Soon witnesses started telling anyone that would listen or care (and it’s a Bieber story so that was anyone with a Celebrity website) that the  12 year old stalker called the Bieb a homophobic slang after he was asked to stop his hot pursuit. That’s when J-Bieb went Chuck Norris and the push heard around the world partook.

Media frenzy has been going 24-7 since then. Like hyena on leftover zebra.

Somebody needs to give that punks parents a good slap while they’re at it. Any kid going around spitting out that kind of lazy, dated and Archie Bunker-esque comeback needs to watch as Biebers bodyguards Whack-a-Mole his Dad’s ass. In this day and age? Unfrozen Caveman Bigot unavailable for comment.

Here’s a link to one of a million news outfits covering this instead of something newsworthy. I get away with it because so far all I’ve covered is 80’s horror movies, Bear invasions and Why Crows are Dicks.

Ironic little known fact: Justin Bieber co-starred in an 80’s cartoon named Lazer Tag Academy as Nicky Jaren. Check out the trailer, and before you say “Hey – Justin wasn’t born until three years ago” this show involved time travel ,  so go ahead and  prove to me how this couldn’t have happened. With or without a Delorean.


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